Resurrecting an old post from several years ago.
Today I got an email concerning an old website I used to run in 2016 that is now offline. In it I talk about body positivity, sexiness, and comfort. I didn’t want to lose it, so I have pasted it below.
So I tried on some gorgeous dresses at Dress Barn awhile back and the only one that fit for me to buy was a size 16. So for cotton or lycra stretchy things I can probably still wear size large (with an occasional extra large), but anything that doesn’t give and/or requires a zipper I’m a sixteen. In some dresses I’m an 18. This puts me in a gray area. Most clothing makers consider 16 plus size. Some consider anything 12 and up to be plus size (which blows my mind). A few still have size 16 in the regular sizes as the largest size. So I’m in a gray area leaning toward the plus size.
Since I had to put back almost everything I tried on, I decided to look online.
O.M.G. The plus size dresses are gorgeous! I’ve found over a dozen I want to order. If I’d known how pretty these dresses were I’d have gained weight years ago hahahahahaha.
I know some people might be upset in my position. At one time, I would have been too. I used to have eating disorder issues. Being overweight was something that would get a person criticized or made fun of. I wanted to look like a model, and for awhile I was doing some outdoor and goth stuff for an art photographer. I remember going to meet him one day and my jeans were falling off me because I’d lost a lot of weight and him remarking on it. I was proud because I knew that if someone told me I’d lost weight or that I looked really skinny that was the best compliment I could get. Even when I went back up to a size four I felt that way.
Truthfully though, I always thought that the more voluptuous or chubbier or heavier girls looked more sexy and feminine. I’m not a guy so I can’t say for sure, and one man’s sexy might be another man’s hell no, but that’s what I thought. Fat girls are sexy.
I’ve gained weight. There. I said it. Age, childbirth, MEDICATION, genetics, and an affinity for anything with alfredo sauce or frosting have caused this. I have to add that last one. While all the previous factors have their effect, eating the cookies is also a factor. I just don’t care. I’m happy. I don’t worry anymore. I still care about what I look like – I dream of gorgeous, luscious dresses, sparkling jewelry, and stunning accessories. I still want to look sexy. I just don’t feel that I need to be the size I was to be sexy. I don’t know why, if we think women are beautiful and sexy, we constantly want there to be less of them. Instead of feeling ugly, like I guess I’m supposed to, I just feel soft and happy and feminine. I’m no less erotic either, that’s for sure. I’m sexy and comfortable.
I also just don’t get why it matters so much. I am happily married. I’m the mother of the most beautiful baby girl. I’m a poet. I’m a color addict. I’m a scrapbooker and art maker and crafter. I find creative ways to use Excel for God’s sake. I like dark film scores and peanut butter pie and Autumn and headbands. I have a history and a life and creative power. Why is the size of my dress even important? I’m a follower of several body positive blogs, as well as blogs by women described as pleasantly plump, zaftig, and fat. These people are bloggers and girlfriends/wives and daughters and designers and world travelers. I’ve considered listing my blog with some directories of curvier or more zaftig bloggers, and am not sure if I will. If I do, I’ll be careful how I go about it for this reason.
At the end of the day, while I think the body positive movement is great in that it points out the eroticism and beauty of fuller figured women, I think everyone needs to remember that people are just people. I’m the same mother and poet and art fanatic I was several dress sizes lighter. I’m the same wife too – except maybe better in some ways. C didn’t like my vomiting like I did when we first got married, and listening to me bitch about how I looked all the time probably wasn’t fun. No one likes to hear the complaints and insecurity and unhappiness. Now I don’t complain or feel self conscious or unhappy. If I’m vomiting it’s because I’m ill. I don’t sit down to a meal and refuse to eat. In short, I’m less miserable and annoying. However you feel about someone’s weight, having them be less miserable and annoying can’t be a bad thing!
My confidence makes me feel more erotic, softness more feminine, comfort more free.
Cherished Rainbow 